I lucked out.
I had never seen my ring before the night of my engagement, nor had I gone ring shopping. Somehow the ring was perfectly my size (although, he had bought me rings in the past, so he didn’t have to guess the size), and I was blessed with a ring that had the special touch of being handpicked by him for me. But – like I said, I lucked out. I can’t say that this is normal nor can I say that I would trust most men to pick out a ring of such importance on their own. Kudos to those who do, because it can be such a wonderful thing to be surprised – but what if he picks out a ring that unfortunately isn’t…you? Or just isn’t something that you are that interested in wearing for a lifetime?
Him – yes. You say yes to him, and him only- that’s a no brainer. However, the ring doesn’t have to be.
If you’re having doubts about whether or not you should just tell your fiancé how you feel, then allow etiquette maven Emily Post to quell those fears. You should feel free to express your feelings about the ring, as long as you do so very carefully and tactfully.
“You need to speak to your fiancé about your distaste for the ring style. Tactfully explaining that you can’t see yourself wearing this style of ring might eliminate his feeling bad if he chose the ring himself,” Post advises. “Above all, be sensitive to your fiance’s feelings, as he may have chosen the ring with the utmost care and thoughtfulness, and may react to your wanting to change the ring with mixed emotions.”
Another option is approaching the botched ring purchase as a project the two of you can work on together and bond over.
“If it is a family heirloom from his family, perhaps offering to reset the stone(s) in a style that is better suited to your taste would be an acceptable solution,” Post says. “If he purchased the ring new, maybe you could suggest that you substitute the setting for an alternative one that you choose yourself.”
“Suggest that the two of you shop for something that accommodates your sense of style,” Project Wedding insists. “An engagement ring is a major purchase, so it doesn’t make any sense to waste money on something you
If you’re not in love with your ring, but you just don’t have the heart to tell your partner, you can always simply keep your dislike to yourself and try to learn to love the ring.
“If the ring is an heirloom, or if what you have in mind simply isn’t within your fiancé’s budget, be happy with the ring you received,” Brides.com advises. “Remember: You’re getting married to the man, not the ring.”
“Don’t forget about what your ring represents. A ring is a gift meant to show your partner’s love and commitment as you begin your lives together,” one wedding writer at Loverly suggests. “Thinking about how much your intended loved choosing it for you, or what he or she said when presenting it to you, might help you keep things in perspective.”
And while we are on the topic, some unique rings, just for fun: